Caroline Starr Rose on Today's Teachers Write Friday Feedback

Friday Feedback for Teachers Write is hosted by Gae Polisner who is an amazing YA author. Her third novel was just picked up and I really look forward to it coming out. I love Gae's work because it captures relationships.....and that's what draws me to story.

Today, Gae is hosting one of my heroes. So, it's a little....lotta....intimidating to participate in Friday Feedback. Caroline Starr Rose writes novels in verse. And, she does it so well. I am inspired by her and aspire to do what she does. Today she gives a wonderful mini-lesson and example in the FF feedback post. http://ow.ly/Q2lH0

Her challenge to us campers is to: use lyrical language to build story and build momentum, create tempo. Hoo boy.....that's no small task. Sounds easy. But, it takes some real thought and play time with a page to do this.

I started out with a draft poem from this summer.....that I spent time revising this morning. I'd love to spend MORE time revising and getting it right...but, alas. Life as a mom and human being are calling me back to real life. And, I have to run. But, it's fun to play with language. Right now, I rather stink at meter as you can see. But, my process kinda shows if you look at the first poem and the revision. Someday, I'll have it right.

DRAFT from earlier in the summer

There is an order of business to the night
First, frogs because it’s five o’clock
somewhere, right?
Then, lilies shutter down
hands folded in bedtime prayers.
Sky’s pulsing sun looks left
looks right and crosses an empty dirt road.
Shadows pull long….
camp fires light and warm
faces, toes, story-telling into dark
backdrop for silent moon rising
white then gold then red.
Eyes and heavy dew fall.
Flashlights, tent zips, yawns
applaud coyote yodels across hills.
Embers remember our newest yesterday
as Today sleepwalks up one hill
stage left behind the curtain
on mark and ready for her call.

THIS MORNING'S REVISION:

Camp Fire

Frogs tuning in the pit,

bass strings on cattail necks.
for this evening’s premiere
camp fire performance.

Shadow arms draw curtains back on colored flames that warm
faces, toes and story-telling in jokes, duets and s’mores. 

Pale intermission moonrises white then gold then rose. Illuminating shining faces a chorus of camp fire’s glow. As the final act winds down…

Heavy eyes and dew fall flash-lights zip in and out of tents sleeping bags and pillows hold us coyotes howl and sing applause.

Embers night-light our way to sleep

Yesterday finds center stage, her mark
for one final bow and curtain call our bravos whispered in the dark.

Linda Mitchell 7/24/15all rights reserved